When Your Jeans Mock You

My husband owns his own business. He manages manure plans and does soil sampling. Very sexy I know but we do live in the middle of the country where farming is everything.

Today he needs help soil sampling, and so I am taking a day off my job to help him with his. I went to pull on my 'work' jeans about a half hour ago, the jeans that I've worn for years and years, the jeans that have soil sampled, rode 4-wheelers, spent hours in the swine barn at the county fair when the kids were showing hogs, the jeans that have always fit. Today they would not budge past my ass. They would not slide effortlessly over my hips and belly. They were staging a revolt and as I looked down at them from up top, they seemed to be mocking me.

My jeans were mocking me!

Now I sit here and the feel of my rolls and my belly are grossing me out. Yuch. Yuch. Yuch.

Weight gain is disheartening.

Menopause or whatever is going on with me right now is kicking me around and I'm growing extremely weary. I want sleep back. I want my body back. I want my headache to go away. I want to actually feel good. And clear. And energized. And excited about something. And hopeful.

Is it true to say I haven't felt any of those things for a long time?

Yuch.

All I can say today is yuch. Right now I feel yuch. Yuch. Yuch. Yuch.

Lord,

That's all I've got today. I'm sorry. I should be more grateful, more holy somehow but my jeans don't fit and my head hurts. I am doing all I know to do physically, mentally and spiritually but most days I simply feel yuch. Am I your most ungrateful child? Would it be possible, if you have a minute, to send me a word or a song or something just to remind me that you are actually here with me today?

I'm aging. I'm sore. My head hurts. I feel fat. I miss my kids. I want to be more excited about life. I'm trying to hang in there, to be faithful. I'm trying to do the best I can with what has been given me and what I know to do. Yet there's this yuch. Maybe you could just pat me on the back or whisper something in my ear to replace the yuch with an hallelujah?

Please?

My head hurts.

My jeans mock me. I guess I'll have to wear leggings today.