Wait.

"Don't be afraid Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, you words were heard and I come in response." (Daniel10:12ff).

Okay. I think it's appropriate to lead with a question, then we can get to my ramblings.

Have you ever asked yourself: What am I actually doing?

Wait. I have one more question.

If you woke up on a Monday morning having no idea why you woke up or how you were going to step out not only into a day but into a brand new week, would the following plan work for you?

1. Today I'm going to set my mind to gain understanding.

2. Today I'm going to humble myself before my God.

Wait. I'm going to throw more scripture into this conversation.

"Have mercy on me, my God have mercy on me, for in you I take refuge.

I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed". (Psalm 57: 1).

And.

"I cry out to God Most High...God sends forth his love and his faithfulness". (Psalm 57: 2 & 3).

Lord,

I am so tired today I can barely move let alone cry out but here is my attempt.

I feel like a rag doll today. Boneless. Floppy. In need of a good wash.

Right now the world outside simply feels like too much. I don't want to go out there. Not today. I don't want to speak words or even form them. Decisions? Really? Decisions just feel like a lot right now. Actually, movement of any kind whether it be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual, I just don't think I can do it. Not today.

Lord, if it's true you send forth your love and faithfulness, would it be possible for them to stop by here and ring my doorbell? Maybe love could wrap around me and encourage me to move, and faithfulness could sling me over her shoulder and carry me through today? What do you think? Would that possibly work for you?

Wait. Let's not forget the whole refuge thing. I could totally get behind some refuge today. And wing cover? Wing cover would be absolutely fabulous.

Would refuge and wing cover mean I could stay home and not go out to where all the people are? People make everything so much more difficult and difficulty isn't what I'm feeling right now.

I'll say it again because my brain simply can't seem to form different thoughts. I feel so drained and weak today. Wrung out. A bit scared. A little angry, and totally and completely pooped. Monday's are typically difficult but today feels like a mountain to climb with two broken legs.

Wait.

Am I missing something? Instead of crying out and whining am I to be listening? Is my soul trying to get something through to my brain? Am I shutting up my soul because I don't want to deal with soul stuff? Soul stuff is messy and hard. Soul stuff usually comes with tears mixed with frustration and uncomfortable feelings I don't know what to do with, and we both know how good I do with frustration and uncomfortable feelings, so crying out and whining to keep the soul quiet makes a bit of sense right?

I have a whole week ahead of me. A mountain of people, of words, of choices, decisions, and irritants. So many irritants. Perhaps there is some soul stuff I should listen for and try to understand because the soul stuff may be part of the reason I'm so floppy.

Lord.

What do I do?

Wait.

"Don't be afraid Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, you words were heard and I come in response." (Daniel10:12ff)

Set my mind to gain understanding. Humble myself. Two things I have absolutely no idea how to accomplish today. However, since the doorbell is still silent, it would appear I may have to start with gaining understanding and some humbling. No one is going to show up to encourage or carry me. Not today.

Wait.

Setting my mind to understanding and humbling myself before God? My doorbell may not be ringing but is it possible if I set my heart to understand and try to humble myself I may walk through a type of doorway that leads to the wrapping up in love and the being carried by your faithfulness I'm looking for? Do love and faithfulness also give my soul the voice it needs to be heard over all the things I do to keep it quiet?

Lord.

I'm here. I'm right here. I'm slightly miserable and whiny, okay, in all honesty, I am extremely whiny and completely miserable, but I think it's clear that Daniel was no dummy. I'm going to try, although I can't promise I'll be successful, but today I'm going to try this whole gaining understanding thing and instead of setting up my day in order to make it about me and my agenda, I'm going to try humbling myself and attempt to think about your kingdom coming and your will being done instead of mine. My fists may be clenched right now but here I am, asking you to open my hands and grab hold.

Please Lord. I am fairly certain I will need help believing in your love and faithfulness today. Can you help my unbelief? Understanding and humbling may be a doorway to love and faithfulness but just in case there is an easier way, I'm going to keep listening for the doorbell.

Lord.

I love you.

Teach me more about your love. Please give me eyes to see reminders of your faithfulness and ears to hear you as I move through this day.

Amen.